Sunday, March 27, 2011

awareness writing - andrew

I stretch and feel a pull across my whole body, and then a fine touch across my fingers. Softness as I see darker colors which begin to cover the lightness I had seen previously. I see loose curves, dark loose curves. I feel a stretch across my thigh, I see small gradients in light and less light. My hands begin to move and I feel a pulling and a pressure, and equal band of pressure across my fingertips and then a new pressure on my thumbnails as I feel a slide across my foot. I feel a resistance on my fingertips. I see ridges overtaking fine low contrast lighter details. I feel a slide across my foot, pressure at all points. I feel a confinement on the hairs of my legs.
The light is becoming darker as I pull and feel a slide across my leg. There is a new type of light and darkness with darker tones.
I stretch down with a feeling of pulling and a new weight, a pull downward. I feel pressure on my fingertips, my hands begin to move without full awareness of what they are doing. I see a brown form curved in the direction away form my body, towards my front, which is covered in more detailed symmetrical forms. I feel a push against my heel and a slide as my hands automatically move to a new position. I see a dark void framed by a gridded u shaped form. I feel pressure on my fingertips, the dark void is covered, and a slide against my heal with a final sudden release, warmth, and comfort followed a new mild pressure around my whole foot. My hands begin to move and pull hard. As they pull, the pressure and warmth against my foot becomes greater. The brown form twists and takes on a new dimension outward to my left ending in a sharp band of lighter color. As my hand starts to move, two very fine long forms come towards me going from curved to straightened and begin to fold in on themselves. My fingers move in elaborate patterns twisting and turning and pulling and as they do I feel pressure and sliding against different detailed parts of my hand in intricate patterns. There is an intricate shiny bright form which envelops the long form which then twists and pulls around the shiny one. Before I know it they stop. The long forms have and become two circular forms with two long forms coming out of them.
The pattern repeats but inversely, on the other side. My hands begin to move without me knowing exactly what they're doing. I feel pressure and warmth and a stretch across my thigh as I feel a slide and a pressure against my foot. I feel major resistance and pressure on my fingertips, squeezing and a pull, pressure down my arms. A pop as the pressure releases into a feeling of warmth, secureness and correctness. My fingers then begin to turn and twist, laying over each other, pulling, in strange patterns that I am not very aware of doing. I feel intricate pressure and sliding across different detailed parts of my hands. Suddenly its done and I feel a global pressure against my foot.

In doing this exercise describing my sensation tying my shoes, I found it much more of an exercise in language than necessarily awareness. It inevitably made me become more aware of the activity, but most of my awareness was towards how to convert intricate finite sensations into language. I found this conversion beyond thought, into awareness and sensation, and then into language very strange and interesting. Certain parts, in fact many parts, were way to intricate for language. The process of tying the laces of my shoes was so complex, and so vastly controlled by the automated process of my hands, that I found the intricacies I was experiencing untranslatable. I also found that any description of my sensory experience would have to include for things like environment as the experience was in no way separable from my surroundings. Yet I was forced to exclude environment or my sensory monologue would have gone on forever. I'm curious Ben what you meant by enacted and received sensory experiences. All my sensations seem to fit into both of those categories.

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